you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
