Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
