Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
this will be a night to untag.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just had sex on a roof
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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