no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
