I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
