Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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