She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
