Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities