this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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