There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends