Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.

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  (914): Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex. http://tfl.nu/kgv4
  Replies (5) Good night (3068) Bad night (1386)
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  (831): View more from California

  I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.

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  (831): I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco. http://tfl.nu/qnto
  Replies (34) Good night (3420) Bad night (613)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'

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  (512): And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.' http://tfl.nu/l1oz
  Replies (18) Good night (737) Bad night (3332)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.

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  (302): I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset. http://tfl.nu/ifc8
  Replies (13) Good night (5009) Bad night (964)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.

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  (702): I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know. http://tfl.nu/ro3k
  Replies (68) Good night (9651) Bad night (1079)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...

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  (248): I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby... http://tfl.nu/0zej
  Replies (17) Good night (1847) Bad night (5746)
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  (831): View more from California

  No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.

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  (831): No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone. http://tfl.nu/jc2m
  Replies (6) Good night (1976) Bad night (1154)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.

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  (720): Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him. http://tfl.nu/sxwx
  Replies (8) Good night (1128) Bad night (3454)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.

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  (207): He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job. http://tfl.nu/muvn
  Replies (7) Good night (2357) Bad night (1307)
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  (415): View more from California

  so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?

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  (415): so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then? http://tfl.nu/dz1l
  Replies (19) Good night (3641) Bad night (1129)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose

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  (817): Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose http://tfl.nu/bx5q
  Replies (0) Good night (536) Bad night (903)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.

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  (570): He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile. http://tfl.nu/txef
  Replies (11) Good night (656) Bad night (400)
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  (707): View more from California

  Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.

  (425): View more from Washington

  I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.

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  (707): Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning. (425): I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation. http://tfl.nu/7xvm
  Replies (3) Good night (843) Bad night (525)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.

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  (612): I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite. http://tfl.nu/m5xg
  Replies (1) Good night (750) Bad night (332)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm

  (1+61): View more from

  At least it wasn't your drinking arm

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  (+61): In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm (1+61): At least it wasn't your drinking arm http://tfl.nu/wwzo
  Replies (2) Good night (727) Bad night (333)

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