my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.