"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?