So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.