this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.