So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.