I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car