Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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