I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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