so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
