I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You don't make any sense
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