He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
