youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
it's like heaven, but drunker
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize