i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You pole danced in your parka.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
