Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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