I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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