I hate all girls vehemently.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
