After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
