I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
