i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
