Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
