I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize