He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
