I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
