forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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