can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
This show inspires me to have sex in space
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
