Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Holy sore nipples Batman
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
