I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Can you bring me the toilet please
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
