3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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