wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize