You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
