I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
how drunk are you?
Several
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
