it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
