I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
