I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
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I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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