The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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