We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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