You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize