i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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