You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
