dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
