he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
