he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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