it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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