I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he thought i was a dude.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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