I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
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threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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