So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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