Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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