I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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