EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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