I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
