I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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