So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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