The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
