I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
