Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
