my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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