I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
