More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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