i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
